I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
