I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
