I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
