return my video game
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
