if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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