Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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