so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
