I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
