I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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