i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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