he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
