If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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