it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
