After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
