Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
