I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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