Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
