now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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