They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
