Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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