what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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