she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
