I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
