I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
