I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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