she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
