Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
