There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
