One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
