I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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