And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
