Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
