I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm always down for nudity.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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