I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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