if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he thought i was a dude.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
