Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He felt like a one man threesome
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
