You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
