ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
