ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
