literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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