Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Houston, we have a blender
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
