Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
