smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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