You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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