take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
