You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
