someone get that fucking seahorse.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
