I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
