I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
