k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
