Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
