well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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