dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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