im having a threesome with these popsicles
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
