Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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