i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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