No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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