i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
