Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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