I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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