Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
