she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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