The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
