so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
