Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
